What would St. Patrick think?

Today is St. Patrick's Day and, well, I'm not at all in a "party all day" kind of mood. I didn't wear green nor did I really have the desire to. I don't want to seem like a downer but, it's just not that big of a holiday to me. Instead of taking part in the extravagant activity of "indulging" or drinking, for lack of a better word, I will spend this day with God because He is my only hope and joy!

I feel like most of the people outside are lifeless. Some might say that they are completely full of energy (well... "energy") but I see no life in them. While they're filled with beer I'm filled with inspiration. Am I a foreigner in this place? It seems like I'm just an alien here and although I might possess all the necessary physical characteristics to eliminate any doubt of my humanity, I feel that I am so different from everyone else. I express myself through the soul. My heart beats while the world's heart pounds. While I whisper, the world yells. While I wait, the world loses patience. While I try to sing, the world performs. I pray and the world stops talking. I listen. The world judges. It's almost as if the world is completely separate from me. I am myself and the world is itself. We are not alike. We are not even related. In fact, I might go so far as to say I do not belong here.

Because of the stark contrast I feel between the world and myself, I have begun to find the fiber of life, the only thing that's real... and that's just it. I want to belong to God, the only life, and no one else.

Some say I might have changed since break. It's true, I have changed, but this I know for sure. I have not changed the idea of what it is I want to do. God knows full well where my heart is. No, instead, God has given me insight into myself so that I might begin to find out who it is I want to be. As Andy Stanley once said,

"It's always a mistake to decide what you want to do before you decide who you want to be."

I've made up my mind.